My Own Birth #2

It was the morning of April 12th. My parents had come from VT to WI where Matt & I were living at the time. I desperately wanted them to be there for this birth so I had begged the Dr to induce me. Having gone through induction before I was actually more confident and relieved, thinking I knew what to expect w/ an induced birth vs. a natural one. It had only been 13 months and 4 days since my first birth and it was still pretty vivid in my mind.

We arrived at the hospital at 6 am. Mom had come and I was so happy to have her with me this time. They did paperwork, checked my cervix, which was already at a 3, did all the preliminary things and then started the pitocin. They started it out pretty slowly so it was easy to manage. I stayed on top of things until they broke my water. Then the contractions came on strongly and in intense waves. I relaxed and breathed through them. I worked on concentrating, breathing and relaxing through each wave. My Mom and Matt were both very helpful in keeping me calm and relaxed.

I honestly can't remember times with this birth... everything is kind of a blurr. Sometime in the evening the nurse came in and checked me and I was only at an 8. I asked for a shot of nubane to help me through transition and she marked it on my chart, but as she started to walk out the door my body took over and started pushing. It was the most intense feeling I have ever experienced and I was scared! It was as though I no longer had any control and my body was doing what it needed.... the nurse c hecked again and I had gone from 8 cm to a full 10 in seconds. She yelled "Don't PUSH!!" and called out the door for the Dr. I said "I CAN'T HELP IT!!!"

The Dr came rushing in and Nathan was born 2 pushes later. Again, he allowed me to reach down and pull Nathan up onto my chest. The nurses took him after a few minutes and then things went crazy. The Dr called for a curette. I had absolutely no idea what was going on except that it was excruciatingly painful. The Dr. yelled at the nurse, "Give her back the baby!GIVE HER THE BABY!!" I think he did this to distract me, but the pain was horrible. I yelled at him, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?" to which he calmly replied "There is a bit of the placenta left, so I'm performing a D&C to get it out. All of sudden I felt liquid gushing from me. Literally gushing like a waterfall. I could hear it falling into the basin below me and I said "Did I just pee or is that blood". It was blood. Matt's face was turning white and I was trying not to freak out.

It was finally over. I was exhausted, sewn up and okay physically. I had a torn cervix and second degree tear in my perenium, but I was ok. It took me a while to recover from this birth and the months that followed pushed me into deep post partum depression.

As I look back over this birth I can see how I spiraled into depression afterwards. This birth did not leave me feeling strong and empowered. It left me feeling as though I had no control over what happened in that labor and delivery room. It wasn't until years later that I learned the dangers of pitocin induced labors and how many Drs try to hurry the third stage of labor by pulling on the cord. (which I knew he did, but thought was normal).