Things coming to the surface

I started my midwifery studies and as I read through the materials and realize over and over how naive I was I begin to question my abilities. I begin to question myself as a mother. I begin to question my births... particularily my last birth. I begin to wonder if I'm only being a hypocrite now by advocating for homebirths when all my births were medical.

I love what I'm learning. I'm itching to get to a birth and experience these things that I'm studying first hand. None of it feels overwhelming and burdensome. I think I'm doing what I'm meant to do... but I'm doubting myself at the same time.

My Head is Swimming...

With anatomy terms and thoughts on the whole birthing process. It truly is an amazing physiological process. It's a wonder that people who know exactly how birth works physically for both the baby & the mother together still believe in evolution....

Anyway... I bit the bullet and started studying!! Here's the plan as it stands now:
Sept 09 ~ Started the book learning and portfolio building through Midwife To Be course.
Winter 09/10 ~ Started labs w/ local midwife
Fall 10 ~ Fly to NM and take midwifery assistant course through Mercy in Action
Winter 10/11 ~ Work under midewife as assistant
Summer/Fall 11 ~ Fly to Phillipines for 3+ weeks with Mercy in Action
Fall 12 ~ Have portfolio finished, clinicals finished, births completed & take the NARM.

I'm not sure if it's completely attainable with 5 children... but by Fall 2012 my youngest will be 4 & my oldest 11. I *MAY* try to go to the phillipines in Fall '12 and take the NARM in fall '13 instead if that's what it will take... but I don't want it to take me more than 4 years. Hopefully it won't..

Book Study

I found an online course called midwife to be. So I joined the yahoogroup that is associated with it & we've started a book study. Our first book is Ina May Gaskin's "Spiritual Midwifery". An interesting read to say the least. I have read it before, but am reading it with a fresh (i.e. not pregnant) mind. I am enjoying most of it, tho my Christian side cringes with all the "telepathic", "psychedlic", new-agey chat in there.

I will come back later and discuss some of my thoughts on this book.